Sometimes, the stars align and you suddenly find yourself starting a passionate and incredible relationship with someone you have only known for a few days. Having sex early in a relationship is somewhat of a socially stigmatic subject and people rarely discuss it. The temptation is always there to have sex with your new partner and we would like to analyse whether or not having sex early in the relationship can sabotage your chances in the long run. Of course, our analysis is just our opinion on the matter and you might have a better reason to do so than we can think of!
What Signals Are You Sending?
If you do end up having sex on the first date or a little after that, some people will see that as a negative thing and subconsciously your partner might think that you could be promiscuous in the future due to how you were with them. Having sex “too soon” can be a bad thing if you the only reason you are having sex is to try to get over a breakup and having sex makes you forget about your old partner for a little while. If this is what has happened, you are sending signals to your new partner that they are just a rebound and you might drop them once your self-esteem is high enough. Whilst everyone can get caught up in the moment, try to make sure you don’t do this if you have recently had a breakup. If you haven’t gotten over your ex-partner, you will regret rebounding on to someone else.
When Is Too Soon?
Standard wisdom dictates that people should have sex after their fifth date. This is completely arbitrary and it really is okay to have sex whenever you feel you are ready for it. Don’t feel pressured by your new date to have sex when you don’t want to. If they are pressuring you for sex and not relenting, you would be best served by not going on another date with person as it is obvious that they do not respect your values.
On that note, having sex “Too Soon” is fine as long as both parties are aware of what is going on. If you are just looking for a hookup yet your partner thinks it’s the beginning of a new relationship you should tell them. Being on the same page is the best way to figure out whether or not you should have sex with this person or not. Traditionally, people believed that if you wanted a committed relationship that meant you shouldn’t have sex too soon as that is a very important part of the relationship. Modern social beliefs have matured a little and realized that whilst sex is important it is not the only thing that keeps people in a committed relationship. As long as your unimpaired judgment is telling you that it is okay, then go ahead. Just make sure that you are deluding yourself by thinking your partner is looking for more than sex.
You Are Unique
Whilst you might know a few people who had sex early in their relationship and broke up, you are a unique person and that means that your knowledge of other people’s relationships doesn’t actually mean anything. As long as you are not naïve and keep your wits about you, it’s perfectly acceptable to enjoy early sex with your partner and still end up with a fulfilling relationship at the end of it all. And keep your wits about you, it’s perfectly acceptable to enjoy early sex with your partner and still end up with a fulfilling relationship at the end of it all.
Adjust Your Expectations
Having sex doesn’t always mean that the other person will commit to you in the long term. Some people have commitment issues and try not to “tie themselves down”, preferring shorter and more frequent relationships to long term relationships. Using sex as a weapon for commitment like this is a vast misdirection technique and when your partner sees through it, they will be hurt. Humans have evolved to have sex as much as they possibly can so that the race can continue and your genes are most likely to survive.
Sex doesn’t necessarily mean as much to you as it might mean to your partner and this should be thought about. If your partner things sex is a sacred thing and shouldn’t be done quickly, you must adjust your expectations and not pressure them in to doing things they don’t want to do.
You have to realize that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. Getting to know your dates better and realising that they will invest their time and energy into the relationship sets you up to have a better long term relationship. If you don’t communicate your needs to your date, they will never know exactly what you want and guessing is not an exact science. Your partner might think that you want to have sex when you don’t and vice versa. Sex does not make the relationship but it also doesn’t break the possibility of a relationship either. The problem is that some people prefer the chase of the relationship over the stability and emotional comfort that a relationship gives. Having sex too early on can lead certain types of people to grow less interested in you over time. Slowing things down allows you to get a better picture of the person you are dating and gives you more information to make your decisions upon. When it comes down to it, sex is enjoyable and people don’t always have to be dating to have sex with one another. Make sure your partner isn’t having sex with others and is invested in you before you have sex with them if you are trying to have a long term relationship with them. If you simply want to see how things go and you feel like having sex with your new partner, then go for it. Sex strengthens the bond between two people, so early sex isn’t necessarily a completely terrible thing that most people would have you to believe.
Of course, all of this is a moot point if you have already had sex with your new partner and are reading this retrospectively. If this is the case, try to get to know your partner quickly. Sort out whether or not you truly want this to be a lasting relationship based on the knowledge you already have. If you don’t know enough about the person to answer this question you probably did jump the gun and have sex too soon. No worries, be prepared to lose this partner, but be pleasantly surprised when they call you up time after time. There are no real rules to dating, much like there are no real rules for most things. If it seems okay to both of you, then have sex in the first five minutes of your relationship if that’s what you both want to do. Just make sure that someday in the future you don’t think you will regret doing so.